Ding Dong the Wicked Print is Dead

As recently as 25 years ago Egon Spengler predicted the apocalypse. PRINT IS (FUCKING) DEAD.

The New York Times (which I’m reading on the INTERWEB rather than flipping through its printed pages) is telling me that the next print publication of the latest edition of the Oxford Dictionary, what is considered amongst at least English speaking intellectuals as the most comprehensive collection of acceptable (by white intellectuals) English vocabulary, IS CANCELLED. And the Oxford University Press is BLAMING THE INTERNET. Har har hardy har har. Old people must be really shocked that the times are changing and not only are their dusty musics and their old fashioned ways becoming obsolete, so too is their PARADIGM OF REALITY.

Simon Winchester, author of ‘The Meaning of Everything: The Story of the Oxford English Dictionary’, said the switch towards online formats was ‘prescient’.

He said: ‘Until six months ago I was clinging to the idea that printed books would likely last for ever. Since the arrival of the iPad I am now wholly convinced otherwise.

‘The printed book is about to vanish at extraordinary speed. I have two complete OEDs, but never consult them – I use the online OED five or six times daily. The same with many of my reference books – and soon with most.

‘Books are about to vanish; reading is about to expand as a pastime; these are inescapable realities.’

WOW. What does this mean to someone in his 30s like myself? (as if you care, but I will tell you anyway)

As I TYPE this on a WORD PROCESSOR, I am compelled to reflect upon the last time I actually “used” a typewriter. I must’ve been about 5 years old and my grandfather was yelling at me to stop touching the motherfucker or else he was going to add my head to the diniguan. Ok, he didn’t REALLY say that, but I’m sure that’s what he was thinking based upon his tone. So, since I’m “old” by current youth oriented, ADHD pop-culture societal standards I’m assuming that most young people nowadays don’t even know what the hell a typewriter is. In fact, I’m not so sure that the next generation will even know what a PHYSICAL KEYBOARD is. And let me be frank (because it’s hard being/pretending to be mabait all the time), I really don’t mind that things are changing. If society decides that it no longer wants to manufacture printed material, that’s fine by me. I like trees better anyway. I just don’t want anyone to come and take away the books that I have now, or so help me god(dess) you’ll have to burn me with them.

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